Fantasy Football Good Luck Charm?

It’s fantasy football season. In my free time over the past few weeks I’ve slowly ramped up my research on NFL players and my strategies for the two main fantasy football leagues that I’m in. I won’t be giving away any tips or insights because that’s my business, not yours! See, I’m pretty serious about this stuff. Both of the leagues I’m in hold live drafts every year. If you’re not familiar with fantasy football, live drafts occur at one location as opposed to simply drafting online out of convenience.

I’ll be making my way to Latrobe, PA this Saturday (Aug 5) for the McNeil Fantasy Football League draft, a yearly event that typically includes wiffleball, booze, Dino’s chicken wings, electric dog collars, booze, slap-bets and loose women. Just kidding, that last one isn’t true. I see some of the people in this league once a year, others I see a few times a year, it’s a nice weekend to catch-up, have a blast and download more memories into my brain that I’ll remember for a long time.

This league is an auction-style draft so it’s important to be there, right in the heart of the action. If you haven’t been involved in an auction-style league before I highly recommend it, it’s pretty damn fun. I’ll use one of my future Father University posts as a ‘Draft Recap’ with analysis of my picks. Some readers may not like that article, but I’m in charge so I’ll do what I want. Maybe I’ll get Jacqui involved in the analysis somehow who knows.

Speaking of Jacqui (pictured below, one year ago, checking out one of the fantasy mags I typically buy for research. Right after I snapped this picture, she tore LeVeon Bell’s photo right off the page), my fantasy footballing has sucked ever since her birth in November of 2013. Not sure why, I’m going to chalk it up to my life changing immensely and things were uneven. I’ve never liked odd numbers, so I think having three people in our family subconsciously messed with my decision making when it came to fantasy football. Does that sound weird? Yes it does, but that’s what I’m going with.

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Now that Jules (pictured below with sweet good luck charm headband) has come into this world, we’ve got four people in our family so everything is good with the world. No odd numbers to mess with my head. I truly believe she’s going to be my fantasy football good luck charm this year and moving forward. We’ll let the season play out and see if it fixed the fantasy mediocrity I’ve churned out over the past 3+ years. If it doesn’t fix the issue, then I just suck at fantasy football, I’ll be okay with admitting that.

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I love you Jules, let’s bring home some fantasy football championships to our happy, even-numbered family for years to come.

Until next time. PEACE.

Alexa: Watch Jacqui Fall

So I used my employee discount and a few gift cards that I earned through my training at Amazon to get a great deal on an Alexa Echo device on Amazon Prime Day. If you’re not familiar with the Alexa devices, they’re speakers that are voice activated. You can play music, games, connect it to SiriusXM, check weather, traffic and even shop on Amazon as long as you hook it up correctly through WiFi and your Amazon account.

Anyways, you have to preface your command with “Alexa” or it won’t respond to you. Watching and listening to Jacqui try to get Alexa to do what she says is hilarious. I think she’s been successful at activating it once out of a hundred times. The device doesn’t pick up the way she says Alexa, which is more like “Ayeck sa” so it’s a struggle for her most times. Usually she’ll tell us what song she wants and we command Alexa to play it for her. It’s a pretty neat piece of technology especially now that we’ve got SirusXM hooked up in the house.

Alexa tip: Don’t ask Alexa to turn the volume up to 10 because it’s loud as hell. I think it’d be fine if you’re outside, but it gets so loud in a confined space that it’s hard for Alexa to hear the command you shout back at it to turn it down. ALEXA! TURN DOWN THE *%$&@#! MUSIC!

Jacqui gets so excited when certain songs come on, once in a while she’ll lose her footing and fall. Not terrible falls, but falls that make me cackle, then she gets upset and runs out of the room a la Joe Dirt after being made fun of by Robbie about crying.  You can watch that clip here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=318cfxyJg3g) She ends up being a good sport though and comes back in and jams out with me.

Education update: I’ve been taking the girls to the public library once a week for about a month now. Jacqui typically grabs two DVDs while we’re there and once in a while I’ll see a book that I think she’ll like. The most recent book was called Girl Wonder: A Baseball Story in 9 Innings. It’s about a girl that played baseball with the boys back in the day and the boys accepting that the girl was damn good at baseball. It was cool. I try to get books that aren’t all about princesses and girls being pretty so Jacqui isn’t brainwashed into thinking that’s all she needs to be. Just wait until she starts taking jiu-jitsu classes after she turns 4. I’m sure she’ll look cute in her little jiu-jitsu uniform, but let’s hope she’ll learn how to snap some dude’s arm, if they deserve it, of course!

Jules update: Jules is starting to mumble “dada” over and over. It’s probably because that’s all I say to her. Not ashamed. I’m not sure what Jacqui’s first word was, but Jules’ will be “dada” because I’ve got more control over the situation now. She had her 6-month appointment a few weeks back, she weighs more at 6 months than Jacqui weighed at a year, lol. I knew she liked to eat, but damn! She’s a healthy baby girl and can’t resist the sweet, sweet Mother’s milk that’s offered to her many times a day. She’s starting to eat more foods too and loves it. The excitement that fills her body when she sees a spoon with food on it is second-to-none. I’m sure I could give her a dozen chicken wings and she’d finish at least half of them. Anyways, she’s healthy and growing, that’s all that matters!

Upcoming events: Heading to Port Allegany this weekend for my cousin Kelly’s wedding. Should see some cousins that I haven’t seen in a while, so that’ll be fun. One of my good friends from Port is getting married that same day, sad I’ll miss that one, but a decision had to be made as to which one we’d attend. Next weekend I’m playing in a golf scramble tourney with some friends here in Ohio, then it’s Fantasy Football Draft season starting August 5 in Latrobe, PA. The Latrobe draft is an auction-style draft, and we’ve got a sweet tradition of playing wiffleball for hours before the draft begins. Also, DINO’S WINGS BABY! It’s so much fun, don’t be jealous.

Latrobe Fantasy Football Draft Fun Fact: A few years ago, we were at a bar in Latrobe and saw Steelers’ head football coach Mike Tomlin. He walked by our group and my friend and fantasy league-mate Josh McNeil decided to ask Mr. Tomlin if I looked like Steelers’ mediocre defensive end Brett Keisel. Tomlin looked at me quickly and as he kept walking past us, said “NO”, and off he went. Case closed. For years I heard that I looked like this Keisel guy simply because I had a beard. Sorry, but Mike Tomlin confirmed it, folks!

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That’s it for now.

Until next time. PEACE.

Jacqui Q&A: Volume 2 (Game of Thrones Edition)

D: What’s your pet fish’s name?

J: Umm fizzy. It’s dog fish.

D: No it’s not. What is your fish’s name?

J: Um Jon Snow.

D: Do know why his name is Jon Snow?

J: Yeah. Why?

D: It’s named after a character from Game of Thrones. Do you know about Game of Thrones?

J: Yeah. That means when people shoot.

D: Shoot? What do you mean?

J: Shoot means when you lost your wallet. It means like “Oh shoot, I forgot my wallet.”

D: Okay, I see what you mean. Who do you think should sit on the Iron Throne?

J: Nala the king. Simba the king.

D: But Simba isn’t in Game of Thrones?

J: I’m going to pick Jon Snow.

D: Okay, we’re on the right track. Why should Jon Snow be on the Iron Throne?

J: Cuz Jon Snow is in the snow! Cuz he’s a little, a little Game of Throne.

D: Okay. Well, how about Littlefinger?

J: Linger finger? *singing* Who’s linger finger, who’s linger finger, who’s linger finger?

D: He’s a little weaselly, creepy character that is playing the Game of Thrones.

J: Yeah he should be king. Linger Finger can be the king.

D: Okay let’s try something different. I’m going to show you some pictures of the characters from Game of Thrones. Let’s start with Tyrion Lannister.

J: He’s practicing.

D: Practicing what?

J: That means when you always practice to roll around.

D: Okay. Moving on.

J: Who is that lady?

D: Arya Stark.

J: She looks like a bad lady. Bad lady! It’s killing time.

D: Okay, probably shouldn’t have shown you that picture of her getting stabbed.

J: Stabbed. Stabbed.

D: What about this guy? His name is The Hound.

J: He’s happy. It’s a hound finger.

D: No, just The Hound.

J: That guys is not cool. That’s a majorly guy. That’s a Game of Thrones. He likes to bah bah bah bah.

D: He likes to what?

J: Game of Throne.

D: What about this guy?

J: Um I think he’s one in snow. I don’t know.

D: Well guess what. That’s Jon Snow.

J: I have my fish Jon Snow. I have my fish Jon Snow, I have my fish Jon Snow. Awwww he’s rolling and making angels.

D: Well, he’s just laying in the snow in a pool of blood.

J: Blood? Why?

D: Well, this probably wasn’t a good idea to show you these photos.

J: But he was rolling in the snow.

D: I know. Okay, one more. What do you think of this woman?

J: A dragon! She’s riding a dragon. That dragon name is Chay the Dinosaur. Maybe it’s a dinosaur but, it looks like a dinosaur.

D: Why is she riding on the dragon?

J: Because she likes dragons. She likes, she likes, she likes dragons. This is just a little dragon.

D: Okay, last question. Who do you think will sit on the Iron Throne when the show is over?

J: That lady down there. Or Christoff. That’s from Anna and Elsa and Olaf and Sven.

D: Okay, so we should look out for a new character named Christoff in Game of Thrones?

J: And I want Anna too. And Olaf.

D: But he’s a snowman. I guess winter is coming though right?

J: I want Sven.

D: Okay, I’m ending this because you just keep talking about Frozen.

Enjoy Season 7, ya’ll!

Until next time. PEACE.

Jacqui Q&A: Volume 1

Figured I’d try something a little different for this post… Jacqui is designated with a J, I’m the D in case you guys couldn’t decipher that. I’ll probably do more of these focused on certain entertainment and sports topics. Enjoy!

D: What’s your name?

J: Ummmm, the answer is I want to go to the park with you.

D: That’s not your name, what’s your name?

J: I’m Jacqueline Barnard. And I’m Jacqui. And I want to go to the park with you.

D: I get it, you want to go to the park. Maybe tomorrow. What’s your favorite movie?

J: Umm Tarzan, I want to watch Tarzan.

D: Are you just saying Tarzan because we rented it at the library today?

J: Yeah I want to watch Tarzan.

D: Okay, after my questions. What’s your favorite song?

J: Umm that one that we saw’d yesterday while I was taking a bath.

D: Which song?

J: Twinkle twinkle little star. I love that song.

D: Okay… Who is your family?

J: Mommy and Daddy and Jules.

D: Okay, cool. What is your favorite thing to do?

J: I love the zoo. *ran into the other room for some reason* Got my computer. How about you answer questions now.

D: So you want to ask me questions now?

J: Yeah, what kind of answer do you want to tell me?

D: You’re supposed to ask me questions.

J: Do you like your toes wet?

D: Do I like my toes wet? No, I don’t like my toes wet.

J: Do you like walking down the street?

D: It depends on what I’m doing. Any more questions?

J: Do you like walking down the street with me holding my hand?

D: Yes, I enjoy that very much.

J: Do you like walking down the… the… Do you like walking down the sidewalk?

Q: Yes I prefer walking down the sidewalk.

J: And do you like driving?

D: Yes I do.

J: Do you like Momma to drive?

D: Yeah so I can take a nap.

A: Do you like to watch a movie and at night and so at wake up time? There is a picture of me of when I was sleeping on Mommy’s phone.

D: I like movies, that’s cool about the picture.

J: The weather is sunny. The answer is I like to play with my toys.

D: What’s your favorite toy?

J: The guy I got from McDonald’s. The bad guy.

D: What about Paw Patrol?

J: Um yeah. Chase, Zuma, um Sky, and I need work to do on my computer.

D: What kind of work are you doing?

J: Trying to get the animals to press today.

D: Interesting. What are they pressing?

J: I’m pressing my animals and numbers. I want to practice writing my numbers. What kind of letter am I practice today? What’s that under the table?

D: We can practice the letter ‘U’ today. That’s a box under the table.

J: Do I like playing with my cousins? That’s it.

D: I think you like playing with your cousins, yes.

J: Also get Charlotte and Ben is coming!

D: Charlotte and Oliver are coming soon, yes. Not Ben. Ben was here a few weeks ago. What do you think of your sister Jules?

J: She likes walking, likes to stand-up and sit down. Do you want the blanky? Is that what you said? She’s a little silly head, lalalala, that’s all.

D: Okay, thanks for your time.

J: Do you want to answer my questions?

D: No thanks. Already did. Last question. Who will win. Floyd Mayweather or Conor McGregor?

J: ME. Me. Me.

D: You’re not fighting. Floyd Mayweather or Conor McGregor?

J: Conor Mecker.

D: Okay. Who? Conor McGregor or Floyd Mathweather?

J: Floyd Manamer.

D: You’re just saying the last name I say huh?

J: Okay.

Until next time. PEACE.

 

 

Grocery Pick-Up: It’s Awesome!

I know grocery pick-up isn’t a new concept, but it’s new to me and being able to swing by the grocery store (Giant Eagle) without getting out of the vehicle is absolutely freaking awesome. I pop on to Giant Eagle’s website, order my stuff and select a half-hour time slot to drive into the VIP section of the parking lot and they bring my groceries out to me. Also, you can sort by cheapest price and sort by what’s on sale so I feel like I’m being more savvy with shopping.

I’d say this saves me about an hour trip to the grocery store, I’m not sad about it. It’s not like many memories are made in grocery stores, right? Most of the memories I have of going to the store with my Mom involve her getting pissed at me or my brothers. Sorry, Momma! I’m sure it was a treat for her to go by herself and not have to worry about her little piss-ant children running around, wondering where we were or begging for the expensive cereal with marshmallows or promising to buy us a cheap-ass toy to keep us from being little buttholes.

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(Note: The above photo is not a real photo of my Mom toting around two screaming children, it’s a stock photo, carry on…)

The grocery pick-up service costs $4.95, but Giant Eagle has it set up to where it’s free for the first three times you use it, which is smart because it lures you in and shows you how easy and time-saving it is. I’ll continue to use it after my next free run, mainly because I don’t really want to shop with children and that’s worth $5 to me. Yes, this particular store, like many others, has the large, cool race-car carts that Jacqui can pretend to drive, but let’s be honest, it’s a bitch trying to maneuver those things down the skinny checkout isles and I’m not into it.

This isn’t an advertisement for Giant Eagle, it just so happens that I use to sling meat for Giant Eagle and I’m mostly loyal to their stores unless I want a bottle of gin or raspberry vodka, then I go to Kroger because they have a liquor store.

Anyways, that’s all I wanted to touch on today. Will have more fun, kid stuff in my next post.

Until next time. PEACE.