My Bad

It was brought to my attention last night from my good friend Thomas Nasto that I haven’t posted a blog in over a week. My bad. I won’t make excuses, other than Jules is starting to be more of a butthole as she gets older and requires more attention than she has in the past. Now don’t freak out about the word ‘butthole’, the girls know I use that word as a term of endearment and it’s harmless. I usually just say ‘butt’ anyway, butthole is for when I really get angry.

Jacqui is fairly easy to deal with recently, she has her ‘drive-Dad-crazy’ moments but I can always seem to smooth things out with her pretty quickly by offering to teach her new letters, coloring books or throwing on a movie (shhhh don’t tell anyone, screen time is BAD!). Speaking of movies, Jacqui’s movie flavor of the week is Moana. It’s pretty good and has some catchy tunes in it. By the way, Jacqui is learning the letter Q this week. It’s probably the easiest letter she’s been able to pick up on because it’s just a circle with a slash through it. She says “it looks like an apple”, I guess it sort of does if you look at it from a certain angle. So far we’ve learned J, A, C, Q. Can you guess what letter might be next?

(JULES BREAK – I’m in my office, I hear cries. I threw her in the Exersaucer to see how much of this I could write before she started flipping out. Gotta go for now.)

Okay, back.

(JULES BREAK – I literally just sat down and I hear cries again. Going to have to go back to the living room. Lady Gaga Bad Romance might be my best option to settle her down. It may be mid-morning nap time.)

She’s now sitting on my lap as I write this. Here, I’ll let her type something:


FD X   Bxf   NCCXCCCCCCCCCCCCXCXXXXXCAaaaKgvui lolijhhhhhhhhhhhhhh1 vv                                               vcxbBHC 


jules keyboard.jpg

Anyways, time to cut this post off because I think it’s time for me to pump her full of Mother’s milk until she drifts off into a sweet half-hour or 45-minute nap. She use to sleep for 2 hours. Not anymore! She also has been eating every 1.5 -2 hours and just recently started chowing down on breast milk/food combinations like bananas and sweet potatoes. This one loves to eat, her eyes get as big as Oreos and grunts like a baby gorilla when she catches a glimpse of real food.

Update: Heading to PA Friday through Tuesday of next week so next post might be delayed. I’ll apologize in advance.

Jules would like to say bye:

 2s22xxxxxxvvvvvvv v                                 vc                               43b4

Until next time. PEACE.


Bad Romance

So, when Jules is upset or crying, my go-to song to calm her down is Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance. I don’t really sing it though, I kind of do my own vocalization that involves loudly bellowing the “Ohh ohoh oh ohhhh” that you can hear at the beginning and throughout the song. I haven’t done any scientific studies, but 8 times out of 10 it calms her down long enough to go get her a bottle or change her diaper. I don’t remember really ever having a song for Jacqui, I just remember watching a butt-load of Taylor Swift’s “Shake it Off” video while Jacqui stared and danced.

Since we’re on the topic of music, let’s talk jingles. Jacqui now has some jingles/TV commercials memorized and I think it’s hilarious when she participates in them as they’re on TV. It’s not like we sit her in front of the TV for hours on end, but she’s picked up a few which are highlighted in a comprehensive list below. Good advertising, fellas.

Menards – “Save big money at Menards…”

Kit Kat – “Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that Kit Kat Bar!” (Okay, so this may be because I modified the words a little bit after I feed Jules to “Gimme a burp, gimme a burp, burp me up a piece of that Mother’s Milk…” Not a great visual, but it fits so lay off.)

Nationwide – “Nationwide is on your side.”

JD Equipment – I can only share this video so it makes sense. I wrote and had this produced for the company I used to work for. I played it a lot when I first put it on YouTube and Jacqui got used to it. (You don’t need to watch or listen to it, but the link is there in case you want to. WordPress wants me to upgrade and pay to be able to put videos within my blog. Not happening.)

And my favorite… ARBY’S – WE HAVE THE MEATS. It’s simple, easy to remember and true because Arby’s most definitely has the meats.

Well that’s all for today, folks.

Until next time. PEACE.


Friendship, Indiana

The wife and I strapped in the girls and headed west to Friendship, Indiana last Friday morning for our annual June camping trip. My in-laws have a campsite on the National Muzzle Loading Rifle Association (NMLRA) grounds in Friendship and we typically go out every year during their Spring shoot. The campground gets packed full of campers and shooters and there is a huge market/fair type deal that goes on as well. It’s a pretty cool experience, even if you don’t shoot and go for the camping and other activities.

My father-in-law Jim is a former NMLRA president. I snapped a photo (below) from the education building of the past presidents and I can say that I never knew Jim when he was only rocking a mustachio. Let’s just say that I’m glad he’s got a full beard now.

One thing I didn’t do this year is throw the tomahawk that my mother-in-law got me for my birthday last year. I threw tomahawk for the first time last year when we were at Friendship and did rather well, but was turned off by the heat and humidity this year… Well, and due to the fact that I just wanted to be a lazy ass while I was out there. Anyways, we may go out in September during the Fall shoot, maybe I’ll throw it then.

Weather update: The weather app on my phone is still set to Friendship, IN – The “real feel” this moment is 97 degrees. Gross. Swamp ass city.

I loved watching Jacqui play and interact with her cousins, Luke and Ben, during our trip. Lucas is a little older (8) and Ben is around the same age as her. It’s nice that they get along so well considering they don’t see each other very often. Who knows, maybe we’ll move back to Pennsylvania in the next few years and she can see them a lot more? Jules couldn’t say it, but I could tell she absolutely hated the hot weather. She spent most of the daytime in just her diaper, got a little heat rash and fed a lot because she was sweating more than usual. I think she and Jacqui both have the Bova sweat gene in them so that’s fun!

Anyways, the wife and I splurged and just bought two brand-new cots so we could stop sleeping on the ground while we camped. I slept great on this trip because of that cot and I’ll be honest, the cots are in the running for the Barnard Family 2017 Purchase of the Year Award. They’re XXL cots, so they’re big enough to hold my large ass and also large enough to hold my wife and both daughters if needed. SCORE!

PicMonkey Collage

Well, off to tend to the girls before work tonight. I may try to get another post in on Thursday or Friday. I’d like to get Jacqui’s complete thoughts and answer any questions she has about the original Lion King movie. We watched it this morning, worked on the letter ‘C’, now she’s watching it again. She’s very confused as to where Kion is. If you don’t know who Kion is, I suggest you watch Lion Guard, that’ll catch you up pretty damn quick.

Until next time. PEACE.

Garth Algar

My youngest daughter, Jules, has been battling a fever for the last few days and hasn’t been as smiley as usual. It’s like she wants to smile, but suppresses it and the result is a face that makes her look like Garth Algar from Wayne’s World. The picture below may not be the best portrayal, but I didn’t feel like sitting there with my phone in her face to try and capture the perfect shot.

jules garth collage

Medical update: As of Noon today, her fever has gone down and she seems to be returning back to her normal, jovial self. Not going to chalk the fever up to teething because my wife nor I can feel any pushing through. Her little body may be just fighting off an illness.

Medical update two: I actually think I feel a tooth coming through now, so between the time I wrote the first medical update and now, I’m pinning her fever and cranky behavior on her first tooth.

Medical update three: I stubbed my left toe last night on my way into our home office. I popped it on a Radio Flyer wagon wheel, I became instantly angry and yelled a few choice words not suitable for children’s ears. My toenail bent back and had freaking tire treads on it. Hey, it happens… I’m not sure if Jacqui heard me or not. She knows what I said is bad, that’s all that matters.

Educational update: Jacqui learned about the letter ‘A’ yesterday during school time. Just like letter ‘J’, I wrote a bunch of As on a paper, she traced them with a marker. She caught on to ‘A’ a lot quicker than ‘J’ and actually made a few on her own at the bottom of the page. I was proud because she kept saying “Apple, Apple Pie and Airplane” and kept repeating my instructions on how to write the letter… “Up, down, cross”. I then let her draw/write whatever she wanted on the back of the paper. She opted to draw some As inside of some monsters. BOOM. EDUCATOR OF THE FREAKING YEAR.

We didn’t do an ‘A’ lesson today, instead I taught her some Home Economics in the form of frying an egg and rearranging our home office. Also. she helped me bake banana bread the other day. It turned out okay, not as moist (I know some people hate that word, but it’s used correctly here so back off) as I wanted it to be. Next time I’ll cook it five minutes less than I did, maybe that will moisten it up.

banana bread jacqui A

Fun update: My wife, myself and both girls went to the drive-in the other night. We saw Wonder Woman and Baywatch. In-depth reviews below.

Wonder Woman: Not a huge superhero movie guy, but this was a pretty good and entertaining movie. I liked it. Jacqui liked it too before she fell asleep with about 20 minutes left. I’m glad she watched it because it showed her that women can kick some major ass!

Baywatch: It was okay.

mommy jacqui drive in

Photo: Mom and Jacqui looking for airplanes before the drive-in movie started.

Well. That be it for today, folks.

Until next time. PEACE.